I know I haven't posted on here for like a year and a day, but something came up on a blog that I frequent and I felt I couldn't let this go any longer.
There are certain people, people who I can only assume have some sort of issues borne out of a traumatic experience, who want to drive anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog over a cliff, 1800's buffalo hunter style. These people think ketchup should not only be banned, it should be eliminated from existence. Ketchup is a scourge that's devouring the innocence of our children.
The above linked post, which doesn't really address ketchup in its body, has a number of comments to this effect. This is the second time in several months I have seen this sentiment. Before that, I wasn't aware that there was this much anger towards ketchup. So I decided to do some brief research.
Just performing a google search for "ketchup on hot dogs," I encountered the following things:
"It's simply wrong, and those who put ketchup on hot dogs should be scolded and shamed "
"It is taboo to put ketchup on a Chicago hot dog"
"I hate ketchup on hot dogs. "
"Amazon.com: Never Put Ketchup on a Hot Dog: Bob Schwartz"
Yes, that's right, the last one is an actual book, 208 pages long, about hot dog cuisine. And the title says it all.
To be fair, clicking on a few of those links, you see that a majority (not vast, by any means) actually do put ketchup on their dogs. But it's the vocal minority that is mindboggling to me.
I understand that there are people who don’t LIKE ketchup. Of course those people are out there. That’s fine; we have different tastes in condiments. I dislike mustard. Never got a taste for it. You know what? I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like my life is incomplete without mustard. I’ve tried it and I don’t like it. You do like it? Good for you! I’m glad it makes you happy. We’ll both get our separate condiments at a barbecue and move on, right?
WRONG! Unlike any other condiment, ketchup is actively campaigned against. It’s not enough to dislike ketchup – it is some people’s goals to destroy anyone who does happen to like it. Here’s an actual conversation* overheard at a stadium concession stand:
*may not be actual
Ketchup Eater: How’s it going?
Ketchup Hater: Are you putting ketchup on that hot dog?
KE: Yeah…
KH: You make me sick. All you people. You like punching babies, don’t you?
KE: Ummm, no, I…
KH: Don’t talk to me. You’re the one who ran over my puppy last week, aren’t you? I heard you laugh while you did it.
KE: I don’t even know who you are.
KH: Yeah, well, I know you. Keep your children out of our schools, freak.
And so on. Why? Why is there such a vocal populace out there against ketchup? Is it chemical imbalance? Repressed bigotry that’s trying to assert itself in a way that’s more politically correct? I don’t know, but it bothers me. I felt it was my duty to speak out against it.
We’re people too! Our love of ketchup doesn’t make us bad! It’s just something we like! Let it go!
For posterity, the perfect condiments for my ideal hot dog include the following:
Strip of ketchup along one side
Hot Sauce (preferably Tapatio or Cholula) along the other side
Onions (I prefer grilled white on my dog, but any type of onions will do, even green onions)
Jalapenos
Grilled Peppers (optional – sometimes I’m in the mood, sometimes not)
You get me a nice grilled frank with that on it and I am one happy guy.
8 comments:
You make me sick. Ketchup is fine for 4 year olds to put on their mac and cheese but not for adults. I hate you. MUSTARD 4EVER!!!!!
So I've been thinking about ketchup all day since I left my hopefully obnoxious comment earlier. Even though I don't feel like these anti-ketchup crazies, there is something oddly commonsensical about ketchup-hating. Maybe it can be likened to people who empty 6 sugar packets and 4 things of cream into every cup of coffee or who still cut the crust off their sandwiches. The point isn't that it tastes bad so much as it is sort of childish way of eating. People who slather ketchup on their hotdog probably also make airplane sounds and swoosh the dog through the air and into their mouths when they eat too.
I don't know about people who hate ketchup, but Bob Schwartz's book is about Chicago-style hot dogs. If you're talking about another region/location's hot dog, ketchup may actually be required. And it isn't like those of us who live in Chicago hate ketchup; it's there for your french fries for Pete's sake.
See, I still don't get it - a childish way of eating? It tastes good! You know why children eat it? It tastes good! Sure, there are plenty of foods that people grow out of (peanut butter and jelly was one for me), but there are tastes that stay with you.
My point is that there's nothing odd, unusual, or sinister about that, but people treat it like there is.
Alvin - I understand, and that's part of my point. Chicago considers themselves hot dog experts (and rightly so), but part of that expertise is the complete banishment of ketchup from hot dog cuisine. That's such an important tenet of Chicago hot dog-ness that some guy titled his book that way! He could have called it "Chicago Hot Dogs" or "Tomatoes on Dogs" or something like that. But instead, he chose to bash the ketchup, and that's fascinating to me.
Yes, Bob Schwartz's book is poorly titled. Since it is primarily about the businesses that sell Chicago-style hot dogs (even some that aren't in Chicagoland), and it is also something of a stealth promotional item for the Vienna Beef company, which supplies hot dogs to all the businesses in book, it should have mentioned Chicago-style hot dogs in the title. Mr. Schwartz, you see, is a vice-president of Vienna Beef, and that company will probably argue that it isn't a "real" Chicago-style hot dog unless it is made with a Vienna Beef hot dog.
The poor title aside, is a sports car with an automatic transmission really a sports car? Is it sashimi if you insist that the preparer cook the fish first? I don't think so. In Chicago you won't be driven out of town if you put ketchup on your hot dog, but if you do you can't call it a Chicago-style hot dog.
WikipediA's article on the Chicago-style hot dog is very good. As of this writing what it doesn't say is that it's okay to ask for your hot dog without an item or two. People will often forego onion or sport peppers or cucumber, and no one will object.
The funniest part of this whole thing is that no one has an outright problem with ketchup. Put it on your fries or burgers or whatever but don't you dare put it on your hotdog. Really? Are hotdogs such a gourmet delicacy that they can't be tarnished with a little tomato paste? Are pig giblets with a delicious colon casing so exquisite that 57 varieties couldn't improve them?
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