The Truth about Ketchup

I know I haven't posted on here for like a year and a day, but something came up on a blog that I frequent and I felt I couldn't let this go any longer.

There are certain people, people who I can only assume have some sort of issues borne out of a traumatic experience, who want to drive anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog over a cliff, 1800's buffalo hunter style. These people think ketchup should not only be banned, it should be eliminated from existence. Ketchup is a scourge that's devouring the innocence of our children.

The above linked post, which doesn't really address ketchup in its body, has a number of comments to this effect. This is the second time in several months I have seen this sentiment. Before that, I wasn't aware that there was this much anger towards ketchup. So I decided to do some brief research.

Just performing a google search for "ketchup on hot dogs," I encountered the following things:

"It's simply wrong, and those who put ketchup on hot dogs should be scolded and shamed "
"It is taboo to put ketchup on a Chicago hot dog"
"I hate ketchup on hot dogs. "
"Amazon.com: Never Put Ketchup on a Hot Dog: Bob Schwartz"

Yes, that's right, the last one is an actual book, 208 pages long, about hot dog cuisine. And the title says it all.

To be fair, clicking on a few of those links, you see that a majority (not vast, by any means) actually do put ketchup on their dogs. But it's the vocal minority that is mindboggling to me.

I understand that there are people who don’t LIKE ketchup. Of course those people are out there. That’s fine; we have different tastes in condiments. I dislike mustard. Never got a taste for it. You know what? I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like my life is incomplete without mustard. I’ve tried it and I don’t like it. You do like it? Good for you! I’m glad it makes you happy. We’ll both get our separate condiments at a barbecue and move on, right?

WRONG! Unlike any other condiment, ketchup is actively campaigned against. It’s not enough to dislike ketchup – it is some people’s goals to destroy anyone who does happen to like it. Here’s an actual conversation* overheard at a stadium concession stand:

*may not be actual

Ketchup Eater: How’s it going?
Ketchup Hater: Are you putting ketchup on that hot dog?
KE: Yeah…
KH: You make me sick. All you people. You like punching babies, don’t you?
KE: Ummm, no, I…
KH: Don’t talk to me. You’re the one who ran over my puppy last week, aren’t you? I heard you laugh while you did it.
KE: I don’t even know who you are.
KH: Yeah, well, I know you. Keep your children out of our schools, freak.

And so on. Why? Why is there such a vocal populace out there against ketchup? Is it chemical imbalance? Repressed bigotry that’s trying to assert itself in a way that’s more politically correct? I don’t know, but it bothers me. I felt it was my duty to speak out against it.

We’re people too! Our love of ketchup doesn’t make us bad! It’s just something we like! Let it go!

For posterity, the perfect condiments for my ideal hot dog include the following:

Strip of ketchup along one side
Hot Sauce (preferably Tapatio or Cholula) along the other side
Onions (I prefer grilled white on my dog, but any type of onions will do, even green onions)
Jalapenos
Grilled Peppers (optional – sometimes I’m in the mood, sometimes not)

You get me a nice grilled frank with that on it and I am one happy guy.